Forks in the Road

FORKS

Young Women Lesson on Choice & Accountability

I’m so happy that I was invited to come here and talk to you today.  There is nothing I would rather do in the whole wide world than teach the gospel!  And today is one of my favorite subjects:  Forks!  (Show a handful of table forks.)  We are going to talk about all kinds of forks.

Choices between good and evil

I need two hungry volunteers.  Would you please each choose a brownie from one of these plates?  (One plate is full of nasty brownies, the other sweet.  Maybe put an excessive amount of salt in the one.  Try to convince them that the nasty brownies are the good ones.)

Now, that wasn’t fair, was it?  You knew there was some trick there, but you didn’t know which plate had the good cookies.  If you had known which were the good brownies, of course you would have chosen them.  Simple, right?  But many, many people in the world have to make many decisions throughout their lives, not knowing whether they will be tasting bitterness or sweetness when they make each choice.  And many, many people and institutions in the world try to tell us that bad is good and good is bad.

• “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”  (Isaiah 5:20) 

Who is going to tell us which plate of brownies, so to speak, to eat?  We have prophets, scriptures, patriarchal blessings, parents, youth leaders, prayer and personal revelation, all standing here pointing at the good choice every time!  If we will just pay attention and trust these sources, we can have the sweetness of righteous choices blessing us all through our lives.  Every time we come to a choice, or a fork in the road, we can choose the one that leads to joy.  (Draw crescendo sign, with “choice” on the left, “joy” on the right top, and “sorrow” on the right bottom.)  Even though at the fork, it doesn’t look like it will make a big difference, the roads lead far away from each other and difference in the destinations therefore is huge.

Don’t be fooled into thinking, however, that there will be joy every step of the way if you take the upper fork in the road.  You’ll become very depressed if you believe this.  Remember, trials are an important part of life, and thorns and thistles and sharp rocks are found on both pathways.  We are here to be tested.  But joy will be found here and there along this path, increasing more and more as you travel it until you reach the fullness of joy at the end.

Choices between freedom and slavery

My husband’s family has a long history of alcoholism.  His grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather all died of alcoholism, and they created no small misery for their families on the way.  My husband’s grandfather once procured a piano for his wife, brought it home in a dump truck, and unloaded it in the front yard by simply tipping the dumper.  Oops.  Another time he had to pay for an accident that he had no recollection of causing.  He didn’t even remember whether it was he who was driving the truck that was cited.  My father-in-law and my husband each presumed that they had inherited alcoholic tendencies and made the decision early to never drink alcohol and find out if that was true. 

If we make a decision like this, we are deciding between freedom and slavery.  To choose whether to try one beer is a very small choice (draw beginning of crescendo, with a horizontal line for the top line), but the further down this path you go, the more freedom you lose until you have very little left.  (Draw the bottom line going down.)  To choose to never drink is easier.  (Draw the top line going horizontally across.)  Of course, you can repent, but it is much harder to get back up to the path of freedom the further down the road you go, and there is always pain involved in repentance.  In Physics class you might hear of the law of inertia, which is that an object that is moving continues moving that same direction unless acted upon by some outside force.  The law of inertia applies to us and our choices and habits: It takes much more effort to stop or turn around than to keep going the same direction at the same rate.  But do remember:  YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!  No matter how far towards darkness you have gone, there is always still a little spark of light and you can turn towards it through the Atonement by asking forgiveness.  (Draw branch coming up from the bottom line.) 

But it is so much easier to stay on the high road!  Why choose the bitter path, when the sweet one is right there and you’ve been told which one it is?

Choices between good and good that don’t matter a lot

Now, are all choices like this?  No.  Of course not.  We have many kinds of choices.  Sometimes we have a choice between good and good, like choosing between an Oreo and a Snickerdoodle: they are different, but both are good and it isn’t generally going to matter a whole lot which one we take, like choosing which dress to wear to church, which seat to take on the bus, or whether to have an apple or an orange for an after-school snack.  How do we choose?  Who cares?  It doesn’t really matter.  Whatever we feel like is fine. 

Big choices between good and good that are life-changing

Sometimes, however, we have a choice between good and good that will make a huge difference.  These can be big choices like which college to attend, which worthy mate to marry and when, and which house to buy.  These choices should not be made without the guidance of the Spirit.  To have the guidance of the Spirit, first, make sure you are basically living right and therefore worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, then study the issue out carefully, make a decision, and then pray about that decision.  If it is right, you’ll think of more and more ways that that is a good decision.  If it is wrong, you’ll feel confused and you’ll think of problems that could come up. 

Little choices between good and good that can be life-changing

Sometimes we can’t tell whether the choice is important or not.  Sometimes seemingly insignificant choices between good and good will make a huge difference in our life or in someone else’s.  I’ll share a story with you in which this happened to me.  On my way to Enrichment Night a few years ago, I had the thought that I should call and ask a new sister if she would like to go with me.  I was almost late as it was, so it seemed a little silly to call.  But, on the other hand, it seemed like a good idea, kind of one of those “why not?” things, “what could it hurt?”  So I did it.  She hesitated a little bit, told me she wasn’t dressed right, I said I’d wait for her to change, and I heard her husband in the background urging her to go, and finally she agreed.  I picked her up and we went late together.  We had a nice time, she felt more welcome in the ward, we became really good friends (draw beginning of crescendo with a horizontal line on the bottom), but we ended up literally changing each others’ lives. 

When I was suffering from depression because of a whole bunch of really tough blows in my life, she came to my door with a photo of a flower.  She had been praying for me and asking the Lord what she could do to help me.  She stepped out her door and saw this flower, a different color than the others around it, and felt so strongly that it was my special flower that God was using to show his love for me.  So she took a picture of it, printed it up, framed it and brought it to me to cheer me up.  (Increase crescendo.)

When her baby died just before it was born, and she was seeking to adopt another baby, I was inspired by the Spirit to link her up with my niece’s roommate who was seeking an adoption for her unplanned baby.  That made a huge impact in my friend’s family, of course (increase crescendo), a huge impact in the birthmother’s life as my friend and her family were a great source of love and support for her (increase crescendo), and of course, all the difference in the world to the baby (increase crescendo).  We just have no idea what joy the Spirit is going to lead us to if we will listen when something seems like a particularly good idea.

Choices in ability development

Another type of choice can have a big impact on our lives.  These are choices in ability development.  “Personal Progress” or “Eagle Scout” kinds of choices.  Since I’m a pianist, let me use piano study as an example. Here I am at the beginning, just the same as anyone else: I don’t play the piano.  (Draw a point on the left of the chalkboard.)  If I don’t choose to take lessons and practice the piano, I will stay right here.  (Draw a horizontal line to the right side.)  But if I choose to take lessons, I start heading upwards along the pathway to having this ability.  (Draw the top line of the crescendo going up.)  Pretty soon I can play “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”  If I keep practicing, in a couple of years, I can play a Bach minuet.  If I study most days for about 5 years, I’ll probably be able to play the hymns.  And if I’m diligent, maybe after 10 years I can play a Chopin Polonaise, which is, by the way, a wonderful thing to be able to do. 

Each day, as I make my decision about whether or not to practice, I decide which pathway I’m on.  If I give up after I learn “Mary Had  Little Lamb,” I have the freedom to play a few simple pieces.  (Draw a horizontal branch off the upper crescendo line.)  If I practice once in a while, after 10 years I might be able to play the hymns.  (Draw a line from the starting spot to halfway as high as the original crescendo top line.)  Then I’ll have the freedom to play hymns and simple songs and Bach minuets.  But if I make the daily decision in those same 10 years to practice diligently, I’ll be able to play Chopin, Bach, hymns, and everything beneath that.  I have the freedom to play thousands of pieces of music.  Higher on the chart, you have the freedom to choose everything beneath you, but the reverse is not true.  Daily choices increase your freedom.

Choices in character development

It’s really important to daily—even hourly!—make choices that develop a godly character.  We are trying to be like Jesus, and every hour of every day, we have the opportunity to choose whether to travel that road.  How do we recognize those choices and make them correctly?

It’s actually kind of simple.  Not easy, but simple.  Jesus taught a whole new concept to the early Christians, and this was that the greatest should be the least.  (Draw inverted triangle on top right.  Label it “service, selflessness.”)  The person who is greatest of all is the person who serves everyone else.  (Circle the bottom point of the triangle.)  Your greatness is actually determined by the number of people you have served.  Jesus, of course, has served more than anyone, and he is right here at the bottom. 

This is the opposite of the world’s hierarchy, which is that the greatest person is served by everyone else.  (Below this triangle draw another one with the point at the top.  Label it “power, selfishness.”)  The greater you are, the more service you expect from others. 

It’s easy to choose in every little fork in the road of our relationships, which path to take to become more like Christ.  Simply think, Am I making the choice of service to another, or the choice of personal gain?  These two choices are available in almost every relationship interaction.  If you watch for them, you can see dozens of these forks in any given school day.  Choosing to say “hi” to someone over choosing to give in your shyness is a choice of service.  Choosing to talk and talk and talk without noticing whether someone in the group is feeling ignored is a choice of selfishness.  Choosing to point out something good you have noticed about a person whom others are gossiping about is a choice that Christ would make.

There are more choices like this at home.  Choosing to be the last one in place for family prayer because, of course, don’t they understand you’ve got to do your hair right now is a choice of personal gain that will not contribute to a feeling of peace and joy in your home.  Choosing to look around and notice that the family room is a mess and clean it up without being asked or irritated, is a choice of godliness.

Forks in the road between Christlike service and personal gain are actually choices between the destinations of joy and misery.

When you really start letting these choices of selfishness or service penetrate your whole life, you will even notice forks in the road to godliness when you are driving.  For example, if you are poised to turn left, not in the intersection yet, the light changes to yellow, and the car in front of you goes—here is your fork:  Do you go through a light that is going to turn red while you are in the intersection, or do you wait for the next one?  What a stupid little thing, right?  But it shows your attitude.  If you go through that half-red light, the cars going across are going to have to wait for you to get through before they can go on their green.  Thinking of how you could be kind to another person in traffic is a real sign of godliness!  Will it make a huge difference to the cars crossing traffic?  Probably not.  Will it make a little difference on your road to godliness?  Yes, it will.  Just a little.  Every choice to keep our temper, every choice to serve, every choice of kindness propels us along the path of godliness.

There are forks everywhere, and almost all of them are going to lead us somewhere.

CONCLUSION

Every day we face many, many forks in many, many roads.  If we want to have freedom, if we want to develop skills, if we want to make differences in the lives of others, if we want to be pure and holy, we need to SEE the forks in the road.  Then we need to STOP and think of which path we want to travel on, by looking at which destination we want to reach.  We need to pay attention to what we are doing and where we are going and LOOK OUT FOR THE FORKS IN THE ROAD!

(Handout:  Brownies with plastic forks stuck in the top with little signs held by the tines reading, “Look out for the forks in the road!”)